I'm not bisexual. If I like you,
it's because of who you are,
not what's between your legs.
& EVERYTHING IS FICTIONAL.
Jake
Almost as soon as the embrace Jake meant to comfort Priestly with began, Priestly was pulling away instead of relaxing. Jake let go of him like he’d been shocked and jumped a little at the sound, and force, of the door opening, and Priestly storming down the hall. For a moment he stood shocked, then with one glance around the room at the busy, but startled, nurses Jake sprinted out of the room to get to Priestly.
He raced down the hall. How peculiar that must look, he thought absently, then again who knew how people would react to bad news. Once he caught up with his boyfriend, livid, and devastated, Jake jumped in front of him, never willing to give up.
“Hey, hey,” He said, his hands, on Priestly’s face, no matter how much Priestly fought, Jake was strong, and he would hold him there if need be. “Hey,” He said firmly, conviction in his voice, “Look at me, babe, and just…” Jake didn’t know what to say. After letting out a deep breath, one to calm himself, and stable him as he tried to think of what to say.
“You…just tell me what you want, what you need right now,” Jake shook his head, like he was saying nothing was out of bounds. If Priestly wanted to go bungee jumping, or break something, Jake would make sure it happened. His hands combed through Priestly’s hair, not like the comforting soft hug of before, but frantic, and desperate. His eyes were huge with love and worry.
The building had gone still. Like there was no one but them. No one but two boys, one trying to hold himself together, and the other one trying to hold him together as well. Like everything was in a blurry black and white, only Priestly’s pierced, and angry face in color. Screwing his eyes shut tight Jake kissed the side of Priestly’s mouth, then pulled back to look at him again.
Priestly
Priestly’s sneakers squeaked loudly against the linoleum as he fought to put as much distance between himself and the one person who is trying to help him. He wants to turn his ass back around and collapse into Jake’s embrace. He’s got a right to, considering, and no one would look down on him for it. However, he doesn’t deserve that small semblance of comfort. He feels like he did this, could have prevented this from happening and letting Jake wrap him up like a heartbroken child is too much like admitting defeat. Priestly didn’t fail his mother; he can’t.
He’d like to say that he’s not surprised to hear Jake coming after him, but he is. The closer Jake gets the angrier he gets and for the life of him he can’t imagine why. Jake has been there for him for weeks, sat right by his side and Priestly isn’t the only one losing Maggie. Jake’s got to be feeling the overwhelming sense of loss and helplessness as well, but Priestly is too stubborn to think logically about this.
Which is the reason why he doesn’t soften when Jake catches up with him. Jake’s comforting tone, trying to walk him away from the proverbial cliff hit him like a fist to the face but he didn’t give in. This wasn’t a game, not really, but Priestly’s mind was quickly transforming it into one and he was determined to win.
Priestly kept his eyes trained on Jake’s, his gaze flicking downward to watch Jake’s lips move in speech momentarily before returning. The malice in his eyes is the only emotion visible, his face wiped clean otherwise. When Jake touched him, finger in Priestly’s hair, a spark ignited deep in his gut. A familiar reaction he’d abandoned since his mother’s accident, but it came back now with a vengeance.
As Jake pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, he scanned the hallway for an alcove or secluded space. His gaze fell on a door marked STORAGE and he couldn’t help but smirk. He meets Jake’s eyes then, his stare downright murderous as he traces Jake’s lower lip with his thumb. He grabs a fistful of Jake’s shirt in his other hand and yanks, making a beeline for the chosen door.
He only thinks the door is most likely locked in afterthought, but he’s in luck as he turns the knob and it swings open. Priestly manhandles Jake into the room before entering himself and makes sure the door is locked before making his next move. Sure, someone who has a key could easily gain entry, but at least it will give them a couple second’s warning.
Swallowing roughly, Priestly wets his lips as he advances on Jake. Chest to chest, he forces Jake’s steps and backs him against the back wall and claims Jake’s mouth as his own. There’s no finesse or style about the kiss, just bruising need and his hands can’t seem to be everywhere all at once like he so desperately wants. He wrangles Jake out of his shirt, then removes his own in record time.
The sight of all that warm, exposed skin makes Priestly growl in heated approval. It’s been so long since he’s seen Jake like this, been able to touch him and feel Jake against him. He slides his tongue down Jake’s jugular, tracing the corded muscle in Jake’s neck down to his collarbone and sinks his teeth in possessively. His hands are all over, as if reminding himself of every dip and curve on Jake’s body.
This, this is exactly what Priestly needed.
Jake
Priestly assured Jake he was fine, although it wasn’t Jake’s question, but he was glad to have that known regardless. He smiled a little, tired himself, as Priestly linked their hands together before kissing Jake’s knuckles. When Priestly did answer Jake’s question Jake nodded a little and chewed on his lip, looking at Maggie, but when Priestly stopped speaking Jake turned and saw he’d zoned out some. It made Jake feel completely helpless, that he couldn’t do a thing to help other than trying to take care of Priestly in basic ways.
Priestly spoke again and Jake nodded again sadly, three weeks with little to no improvement, and Jake had to admit, as worried as he was, that he was proud of Priestly for holding it together as best he could. He knew he’d nagged him some, trying to get him to take care of himself, trying to bring him some comfort in the everyday, but he only did it because he hated seeing Priestly so distant, and he knew that it wasn’t exactly getting better.
He wanted to say as much, that he was still worried, just like he’d told Priestly just over fourteen hours before, but all he got out was his name, before panic was everywhere, the room beeping, people running in. Jake’s eyes grew wide as the nurses came in, moving around Maggie so quickly he didn’t know what to do, he looked at Priestly, seeing his boyfriend’s face freeze in a state of panic.
The moment the words CODE BLUE left a nurse’s mouth Jake’s heart raced faster than it was already, he stood from his chair, making room for the attendants to come and go. His eyes darted between Priestly and everyone else, once everything was understood, the facts were laid out Jake already felt himself shaking his head, and growing a little cold. He stood beside Priestly, watching everything going on, and when Priestly noticed him, he’d jumped, and Jake reached out and pulled him into a hug.
There was nothing anyone could’ve done, and Jake felt like he was going to be sick, his eyes soaked with unshed tears, and mind stopping completely after having run a mile a minute. He kissed the side of Priestly’s neck, and no matter how much time it had taken Jake not to be nervous about touching Priestly to comfort him, he always would be a little hesitant, ready to let go if Priestly asked him to. He ran his hand through his boyfriend’s hair, and only pulled back a minute later, to get a look at his face, worry in every line of his own.
Priestly
Everything was happening in both fast forward and slow motion, the sounds garbled no matter how hard Priestly tried to make sense of his surroundings. The medical team came and went, leaving him with an unconscious mother and a terrified boyfriend. Jake was here for him, flesh and blood, heart beating in his chest rapidly. Priestly could feel the pulse in Jake’s chest and Priestly wondered how that was possible, being that Jake was on the other side of the room last he’d seen him, but then he realized… oh. Jake was holding him now, pressing him close to his warm chest. Priestly wanted so badly to melt into Jake’s warmth, allow him to consume him and sob over the tragedy that he found himself in, but he didn’t.
Priestly refused to admit defeat like this. He couldn’t bring Jake down to his level, to drag him further under the surface when he was trying so desperately to stay above water. No, he wasn’t going to drown Jake with him. This was his fight, his mother and the fact that she was losing this battle ticked him off. He and God never got along, and this was why. He couldn’t believe that someone whom his mother loved so much would treat her this way, but then he got to thinking that maybe this wasn’t about her… that he was being punished at his mother’s expense, and that was the last thought that crossed his mind before He twisted out of Jake’s firm hold roughly.
Without so much as a look back at Jake, he stormed out of his mother’s hospital room, throwing the door open with such force it startled the nurses seated down the hall as well as a few patients. He wondered if the nurses would follow him, kick him out or give him a run down of the rules, that people didn’t act like this in hospitals. Priestly thought that maybe they should, then maybe the medical staff wouldn’t give up so easily. Maybe, if he’d pushed harder for more tests when his mother was recovering in the first place, this could be prevented. He could’ve prevented this from happening to his mother and the fact that she was basically a dead man in the water pissed him off. Priestly was livid, painfully so, and all he wanted to do was pull his own skin off with his bare hands. At least the hot anger coursing through him, that intense pain, then it would be justified.
Jake
“Good,” Jake said, nodding when Priestly said he got a little sleep, Jake wanted to curl up next to him, and force him to take a nap, but he wasn’t sure Priestly would go for that just then. Priestly’s question had Jake running a hand through his hair, “It was fine,” he let out remembering his teacher’s question as to why he didn’t turn in his paper.
He had told her he didn’t have the time, and though it was true for him, he cringed knowing what it must sound like to a teacher. She shook her head and marked down a zero on her grade sheet next to his name and he couldn’t help the pit that grew in his stomach when he saw it.
“Same old, same old, how about things here, any news?” His eyebrows knit together, his hand coming up to brush across Priestly’s face lightly, cupping his face and running the pad of his thumb along Priestly’s cheekbone. Jake wanted to be closer to him, but he knew they would be one day, when Priestly was ready to. Jake licked his lips a little and smiled softly at his boyfriend.
Priestly
Priestly took to nibbling on his thumb nail, or rather, his fingertip because he’d gnawed his nail off sometime that morning. He didn’t overlook the fact Jake was being short with him, but he didn’t comment on it either. Usually, when Priestly asked about his day, Jake gave him a few highlights that he enjoyed, and Priestly liked that about them. Nowadays, since his mother’s accident, Jake’s kept his responses clipped and neutral. Priestly assumes it’s because Jake’s afraid to say the wrong thing, and Priestly isn’t entirely sure he wouldn’t. There’s no telling what could set him off in this precarious mindset stuck in limbo.
He didn’t answer verbally. Simply nodded noncommittally as Jake spoke, eyes glossed and unfocused, and then Jake touched his face. Blinking out of his daze, he looked at Jake and forced his sight to sharpen the outlines of his boyfriend’s face. “M’fine,” He said groggily, giving Jake the tiniest of smiles, like a young child exhausted from a taxing day. Then Priestly took a deep breath, realizing that wasn’t what Jake was asking and put his hand over Jake’s. He brought their interlaced hands to his lap, kissing Jake’s knuckles as they passed his lips and tightened his hold in a way to comfort Jake’s concerns.
“Not better,” Priestly said, adjusting his weight in the chair, pulling his left leg up to place his heel on the edge of chair. “…but she’s not getting any worse, so, I guess that’s something.” He was moving his thumb along the back of Jake’s hand slowly as he spoke, watching his mother’s sleeping form. His eyes are a pale, murky green, having glossed over again. Priestly tends to get lost in his head these days, and he knows this, but can’t seem to help himself.
He’s silent for a couple seconds, looking very much like he’d checked out again, but he speaks again. “Hell if I know, Jake,” He adds, turning his gaze to Jake’s again as he laughs humorlessly.
Just then, the room was filled with loud, urgent beeping sounds that made Priestly jump. He was startled by the abrupt noise and sheer fear ran through him like cold water in his veins. The two nurses that were sitting at the nurses’ station down the hall came in, checking her vitals and whatever else was routine in this case. Priestly asked what was wrong, but instead of getting a response, one of the nurses screamed CODE BLUE.
Priestly’s heart felt like it was in his throat while his stomach hung between his knees. Granted, he was no expert, but code blue never meant anything good and he stood by, shocked still as his mother’s hospital room filled with people. Those people came with tools and yet more machines, and Priestly couldn’t breathe. After a few seconds, the shock wore off and Priestly was trying to fight his way through the throng of medical staff as they fought him off. He needed to know what was going on, why this was happening and how he could help.
As it turns out, he couldn’t. There was no way he could’ve prevented his mother’s heart from failing and neither could the medical staff trained to observe her. Once the chaos calmed down, a doctor stayed behind to explain the situation. Priestly’s mother’s heart gave out, they resuscitated and were able to get her heart beating again but she was down too long. Now, she’s in a coma, her chances of coming out of it slim to none and being a functional human being and Priestly couldn’t do more than nod his head to indicate he’d understood.
He’d forgotten Jake was there, honestly, and when he noticed Jake standing near him after the doctor left he jumped again but didn’t say anything.
Jake
Days passed quickly, then slowly, then time seemed to stand still altogether. Jake was with Priestly as often as he could be, in the hospital sitting with him as his mom. He’d work on his homework within the first hour or two of getting there, but he never finished, assignment after assignment getting incomplete because he hadn’t been able to focus enough to turn things in. His teachers knew what was happening, though they made it clear it was no excuse, but his grades were intact, and like he found out months before he could all but fail every class from that point on and still be top of his class.
Jake made sure to get Priestly out of the hospital as often as he could, walks, lunch, dinner, normal things just to get him out of the sterile environment. Eventually he dragged him home to eat and sleep, sleeping beside him whether he had school the next day or not. He didn’t go home much, he’d go by to get money, change of clothes, say hello, give everyone updates, but mostly he was just with Priestly or at school. It wasn’t a choice, it was a reflex, Priestly was hurting and he had to be there to comfort him in anyway he could.
They’d gone back to their old pattern of kisses, and caresses, anything more than that forgotten if merely for time and place. At first it was logical, Jake knew, but over time it just felt forgotten, and he was worried about Priestly’s tunnel vision. One of the nights he made Priestly stay in to sleep he kissed him with intent, his own want as well as his need to make Priestly feel better in anyway he could. Instead of it being a good distraction, like Jake had hoped, Priestly pulled away. He tried not to let it get to him, and it worked in a way, but what was getting to him was that Priestly wasn’t okay.
On Thursday, just over three weeks since Maggie was brought to the hospital, Jake went to the hospital, like most days, right after school. He walked into the room, and set his bag down before walking over to Priestly and kissing him softly. “Hey,” he smiled at him when he pulled away he looked over at Maggie before his eyes fell back on Priestly. Quietly he pulled a chair over to sit closer to Priest, not bothering to pull out his homework just then. He hadn’t seen Priestly since the day before, so he looked over at him, brows creasing a little in worry. “Have you slept?” Jake wet his lips, and made himself comfortable on the chair, one leg underneath him.
Priestly
The time between his mother’s accident and the present went by in a blur, but also in a sluggish way. Nurses came and went, Maggie being alert and suddenly not, Priestly sitting at her bedside with a magazine or his laptop. Anything to pass the time sufficed, really. The only constant, something he could count on was Jake’s presence. He only stated it once or twice within the three weeks that passed them by, but he figured Jake knew how appreciative he was that Jake was there for him, there for his mother and possibly there for himself as well. Time didn’t blend together with Jake there. The days stood apart, which was good for him, because sitting at your mother’s bedside for long stretches of time can make them all mold together in one consecutive nightmare.
It wasn’t all bad, really. His mother was getting better, showing signs of stability and right on track for recovery. She was still out a lot, though, which worried Priestly, but he decided that he wasn’t one to question the doctors. He didn’t know anything about medicine other than which ones get you high and that knowledge couldn’t be applied here. He’d even had a conversation about it with one of the nurses one afternoon, then Jake showed up to take him to lunch and he closed his mouth. Priestly didn’t want to be any more of a worry than he already was and reminding Jake of his drug addiction when he was younger didn’t exactly scream stable to him.
Being with Jake was nice. He forced Priestly out of his roost in the chair beside his mother’s hospital bed and he even had a cot of his own set up under the window in his mother’s more permanent digs. However, he hardly ever used it and only slept properly when Jake forced him home to his own bed after a large meal. He doesn’t really know where he’d be without Jake to guide him, make him act like a human being instead of another patient. Priestly noticed one afternoon that their intimacy level had plummeted dramatically, that fact glaring him in the face for the rest of the evening, but he couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it. It was like they’d hit rewind on their relationship. Back to square one with feather light touches and innocent kisses. He’d tried to push himself, he really did, knowing that it would relieve some tension and stress he was obviously feeling the weight of, but he couldn’t. The worry and dull ache of doom was the biggest cockblock he’d ever encountered and he found himself blowing Jake off.
He’d been deep in thought about it when Jake entered the room on Thursday afternoon, a sketchbook in his lap as he curled around it. He probably looked more like 90 than 19, given his positioning, but he sat up straighter when Jake came closer. He was offered a kiss; a gentle peck in greeting that made Priestly want to stab himself. He wished he could offer Jake more, they both are due some affection, but he just… can’t.
“Hey, handsome,” Priestly offers him after returning the chaste kiss instead of the deep kiss he wants to. He follows Jake’s gaze to his mother’s sleeping form and his muscles tense. He’s not sure why, exactly, but they tighten just the same as Jake settles in beside him. With Jake’s question, Priestly shifts in his chair and his eyes glance over at the cot as he replied. “Some,” He said, and it’s not a lie this time. He’d slept a whole four hours when Jake was in class, but it was probably the most he’s gotten in two or three days.
“How was class?” He asked, trying to change the subject and lessen the tension between them. This had started an ongoing argument between them. Jake thought he wasn’t taking good enough care of himself, worrying about his mother and Priestly thought he was doing just fine, considering. He let Jake take care of him and he needed to care for his mother. It was a circle that worked. Though, Jake didn’t see it as working. Functional, yes, but not ideal.
Put a letter in my ask.
A - If I’m in love.
B - Who the last person I talked to on the phone was.
C - How long it’s been since I’ve kissed.
D - If I have a preference for boys or girls.
E - How many holes I have in my ears.
F - Give me any options, like ‘hot or cold?’
G - The last person I said ‘I love you’ to.
H - The last person I hugged.
I - The last time I felt jealous, and why.
J - How old I am.
K- What my full name is.
L - If I have siblings.
M - If I forgive betrayal.
N - If you want to know how I treat my friends.
O - If I like my school.
P - What kind of music I like.
Q - What the last party I went to was, and when the next will be.
R - For me to tell 10 of my curiosities.
S - 2 habits.
T- 5 things I love unconditionally.
U - How many texts I send daily.
V - 3 big dreams.
W - An idol.
X - If I’ve done something I regret very much.
Y - If I like my town and why.
Z - Ask any question you want.
(Source: mentalfictions)
Jake
Only just letting himself get lost in thought Jake was spoken to by Priestly, “Hm? Oh,” he responded quietly then did as his boyfriend suggested, going to get a chair and move it over to sit by Priestly. He sat down and listened as Priestly spoke, the more he talked the more Jake felt like crying, it was a strange feeling because on any other day he’d laugh but not this time. Watching his boyfriend’s face, and hearing his voice tighten Jake recalled one of the first times they hung out. They were by Priestly’s pool and Jake touched his shoulder, sending Priestly jumping into the pool to get away, but now things were different, everything had changed.
Jake wrapped an arm around Priestly, close enough to do so, and leaned his head into Priestly’s neck listening to the last bits of his story before hearing Priestly’s fear, his question. After closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, smelling Priestly and coffee he spoke. “I don’t know, I wish I knew,” Jake didn’t know how to respond to Priestly saying he didn’t know if he could deal with it. Jake knew how close they were, and he wasn’t even sure Priestly could deal with it, but Jake knew he would be there no matter what happened. He felt a tear escape his eye and fall onto Priestly and he slowly sat up to look at him, and he placed his hand on Priestly’s face, turning it toward him, and he pressed his forehead against Priestly’s, eyes still closed.
Priestly
While he spoke, Jake put his arm around Priestly and he found himself leaning into the touch. It was nice, having that solidity while he wandered in his memories. Knowing Jake was there, breathing and healthy, that was a comfort to him. He took another sip of his coffee, filling his mouth with the cooling caffeine and let his mind drift for a little while longer before coming back into himself. When he asked what this could mean, how he could live without his mother, it was hard to get the words out. Jake’s response was honest and he didn’t try to coddle him. The answer was straightforward and Priestly appreciated that.
“I know you don’t, Jake,” He said with a soft, defeated smile. He placed his hand on Jake’s knee and gave it a rough squeeze, remembering that just a few days ago he’d been at Jake’s throat for no reason at all. He came so close to losing everything this week. Everything that matters most to him and that thought alone was terrifying. He looked at Jake with a fond expression, nipping at Jake’s shoulder playfully with his teeth before finishing his coffee.
“I should probably call Claire, let her know Ma’s here.” He stated simply, his tone very light and airy as though they were discussing their plans for breakfast as opposed to notifying his best friend about his mother’s accident. He was disconnected, that was for certain, but he needed to remain so for a little longer until his mother was stable and back home. It was all he could do to keep from screaming.
(Source: thegallowisgod, via stillworkingonit-deactivated201)
Just so y’all know. I won’t be on that often, if at all.
